This is one of those "I need to get it out before I can move on" kind of posts, so bear with me and my hesitant typing and feel free to skip to the end if you wish!
Christmas was busy, but December as a month was hard and emotionally exhausting. In addition to all the usual holiday fuss, a family drama (that had been brewing for some time) erupted, the ripples of which seemed to spread and catch everyone close in it's wake. It still makes me sigh just thinking about it. I'd planned a few more festive treats for the blog, but a very foggy brain meant that I couldn't get them together. Then, going straight into Christmas, my birthday (Yes I'm a whole year older too - 35 for anyone who'd like to know!) and New Year, means that I'm only just catching the loose ends and dealing with them. To reassure those nearby, my girls, my husband and myself are all fine. I've always had a tense relationship with my father and recent events have seen this disintegrate completely.
So I've a bit of letting go to do.
The decorations are all down and packed away for another year, my lovely white hyacinths are fading and the light is changing, as it always does in January, showing up the dirt on the windows a little more than I'd like.
I'm going to try and bring the best of 2014 with me, it was only last week after all, and make some exciting plans for 2015. Most of all, I'd like to say *****THANK YOU ***** for being here with me for my first whole year of blogging, it's been a real treat.
xx
I'm not a fan of 2014 either - and I suspect that 2015 is going to tough too. I did clean the windows though as part of the new year moving on thing!
ReplyDeleteHope all goes well for you. x
Thank you Sara, very best wishes to you and your family for 2015. Windows are definitely on my to do list too! xx
DeleteClaire,
ReplyDeleteAt 39, I "divorced" my father and stepmother. It was a heart wrenching decision and not one I made lightly nor in anger. My physical health had been going downhill at an alarming rate, my emotional and mental health were pretty much in the toilet. These issues were directly related to that relationship. I had tried so hard to make the relationship work for the sake of my children but it just keep getting worse and worse until it was nearly intolerable. The stress of that relationship touched every moment of my life. The "wake up and smell the coffee" moment came the day I had to pull my car over into a parking lot because I felt like I was having a heart attack. I sat in that parking lot, shaking and sweating, arm numb,with an elephant sitting on my chest, thinking I was dying. My doctor saw me right away and had a "come to Jesus" talk with. Basically, she told me that some relationships were toxic, pure poison, and what sane person continued to ingest poison KNOWING that it was KILLING them. She told me that I could hang on to that relationship, knowing all the time that it was killing me......or I could let it go and live to see my children grow up. My children or my parents........no contest. I'm 55 now and my children are grown and I'm looking forward to grand babies. My husband and I just celebrated our 35th anniversary. I won't tell you that I've never had a moment of regret because I have. But when I do, all I have to do is remember what my daughter said to me the day I told my family that I could no longer have any contact with my father and stepmother...... she said, " Thank god and we all wish you had done it years ago!"
"Divorcing" a parent is hard but is sometimes a necessity. I bless my doctor every day for having that "come to Jesus" talk with me and giving me "permission" to do so.I truly believe it saved my life. And I have a wonderful life with the family I made! I wish you all the best.
Hi Kim, Thank you so much for leaving a comment and sharing your story with me. These decisions are so hard, complicated and, as I've found, often take years to make and to come to terms with. It sounds like you needed an awful lot of strength to make that decision. Wishing you and your family a very happy and peaceful 2015. xx
DeleteHello Claire, I just want to say that your blog is my absolute favorite. You have the ability to not only share your great talent and tutorials but also make it a place where people can express their feelings. You make it seem as though you know your readers and your readers know you. I hope the new year can bring you peace with your situation. It's a new year and a new beginning and I wish you and your family the very best. (PS - the Martha blanket I made is my favorite pattern - thank you again!)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Pat. So touched by your comment xxxx
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